| 1 |
The Electricty in the Air Before a Good Siege
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| 2 |
Larping at the Blind Guardian Concert
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| 3 |
Orc Blade Plunged Deep Into Elven Flesh
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| 4 |
Gollum Was a Crack Baby
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| 5 |
Witch That Lives in the Trees
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| 6 |
The Water Temple Can Suck My Ass
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| 7 |
Crowdfunding to Buy Myself Chainmail
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| 8 |
Drawn and Quartered Varg Finally Dies
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| 9 |
Going for a Hike and Finding a Black Metal Promo Shoot
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| 10 |
Cursed Dagger of the Lee‐Hon‐Tuc
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| 11 |
My Blade, My Honor, My Suffrage
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| 12 |
Thine Torch Igniting Ceremonial Fireworks
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| 13 |
M’Lord Is Midieval for Daddy
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| 14 |
I Got Roasted by a Guy Wearing a Fedora at a Ren Fair
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| 15 |
Masturbaiting to the Elves in Skyrim
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| 16 |
Small Sword, Smaller Dick
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| 17 |
Lack of Basic Hygiene Doesn’t Make You a Viking
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| 18 |
Stabbing the Winner of Varg’s Tabletop R.P.G.
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| 19 |
Calling Your Mother’s Basement Your Dungeon
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| 20 |
Sexual Fantasy Involving an Orc and a Dwarf
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| 21 |
Frolicking Naked in the Trees Because You’re a Wizard
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| 22 |
Mark McCoy Before He Was Hipster Black Metal Semen
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| 23 |
Ishan Before He Thought He Was in Dream Theater
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| 24 |
Mayhem: A Career Made on Two Corpses
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| 25 |
Big Sword, Microscopic Penis
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| 26 |
That Feel When Good Siege
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| 27 |
I Liked Harry Potter Better When He Was in Troll
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| 28 |
Using Black Magic to Get Myself a Date
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| 29 |
Leading the Charge
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| 30 |
Into the Mines of Morea
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| 31 |
I Live in a Hut in the Woods With Ildjarn
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| 32 |
I Can’t Wait for the Lords of Noisecore to Put a Hit Out on Me
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| 33 |
Using Flash During a Black Metal Show to Ruin the Ambience
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| 34 |
Wolves in the Throne Room Are a Bunch of Fucking Nerds
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| 35 |
I’m From Texas I Don’t Know What Winter Is
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| 36 |
You Smell Like an Mmo Player
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| 37 |
It’s Not Caps Lock, It’s Kvlt Lock, Dipshit
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| 38 |
I Was Born in the Wrong Time, I Want to Lead a Crusade
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| 39 |
Leading a Midieval Campain to 711 for Mountain Dew
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| 40 |
Beating Up Nerds Outside of the Kamelot Concert
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| 41 |
Dungeon Synth: Trve Incel Music
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| 42 |
Graveland’s Instagram Sharing Star Wars Memes
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| 43 |
Rob Darken Looks Like My Grandma
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| 44 |
Getting Lyrical Themes From Runescape
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| 45 |
Ildjarn Is a School Teacher
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| 46 |
Mortiis Looks Like a Digimon
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| 47 |
Cave Dwelling Dungeon Synth Fan
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| 48 |
The Trees Tell Me Many Things, Like Where to Score Pcp
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| 49 |
This Rock in the Forest Looks Like a Member of a Boston Punk Band
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| 50 |
Chainmail Protects Me From Blades but Not Your Insults
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| 51 |
Bringing a Sword to a Punk Show to Scare Poseurs
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| 52 |
Dear Knight, I Must Commend Your Skullet
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| 53 |
Eating From Ye Olde Pizza Cart
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| 54 |
Forgotten Forest Path, Leading to a Meth Lab
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| 55 |
Spell Book Containing a Couple of Spells
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| 56 |
Satan Is M’Lord
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| 57 |
Hanging Out With My Fellow Incels at the Iced Earth Concert
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| 58 |
Christopher Lee’s Power Metal Band
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| 59 |
Drunkenly Slogging Around Demanding People Drink Your Potion
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| 60 |
My Dear, Sweet, Combat Alchemist
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| 61 |
The Power of the Full Moon Charging My Boner
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| 62 |
My Huge Heathen Maypole
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| 63 |
I’m a Wizard and My Magic Is Meth
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| 64 |
I Work at Midieval Times to Get Drunk on Mead
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| 65 |
Peasents Who Think Burzum Is Good
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| 66 |
Nobels Who Know That Ildjarn Is Truth
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| 67 |
Going From Punk to Pissing Cave Dweller
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| 68 |
Truecrime Songs Are Fucking Stupid
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| 69 |
Faust From Emperor Is Free to Kill Again
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