| 1 |
The Electricity in the Air Before a Good Siege
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| 2 |
Larping at the Blind Guardian Concert
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| 3 |
Orc Blade Plunged Deep Into Elvin Flesh
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| 4 |
Gollum Was a Crack Baby
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| 5 |
The Witch That Lives in the Trees
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| 6 |
The Water Temple Can Suck My Ass
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| 7 |
Crowdfunding to Buy Myself Chainmail
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| 8 |
Drawn and Quartered Varg Finally Dies
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| 9 |
Going for a Hike and Finding a Black Metal Promo Shoot
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| 10 |
Cursed Dagger of Lee-Hon-Tuc
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| 11 |
My Blade, My Honor, My Suffrage
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| 12 |
Thine Torch Igniting the Ceremonial Fireworks
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| 13 |
M'Lord Is Medieval for Daddy
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| 14 |
I Got Roasted by a Guy Wearing a Fedora at a Ren Fair
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| 15 |
Masturbating to the Elves in Skyrim
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| 16 |
Smallsword//Smallerdick
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| 17 |
Lack of Basic Hygiene Doesn't Make You a Viking
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| 18 |
Stabbing the Winner of Varg's Tabletop R.P.G.
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| 19 |
Calling Your Mother's Basement Your Dungeon
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| 20 |
Sexual Fantasy Involving an Orc and a Dwarf
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| 21 |
Frolicking Naked in the Trees Because You're a Wizard
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| 22 |
Frolicking Naked in the Trees Because You're a Wizard
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| 23 |
Ishan Before He Thought He Was in Dream Theater
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| 24 |
Mayhem: A Career Made on Two Corpses
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| 25 |
Bigsword//Mircoscopicpenis
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| 26 |
That Feel When Good Siege
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| 27 |
I Liked Harry Potter Better When He Was in Troll
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| 28 |
Using Black Magic to Get Myself a Date
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| 29 |
Leading the Charge
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| 30 |
Into the Mines of Moria
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| 31 |
I Live in a Hut in the Woods With Ildjarn
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| 32 |
I Can't Wait for the Lords of Noisecore to Put a Hit Out on Me
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| 33 |
Using Flash During a Black Metal Show to Ruin the Ambiance
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| 34 |
Wolves in the Throne Room Are a Bunch of Fucking Nerds
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| 35 |
I'm From Texas, I Don't Know What Winter Is
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| 36 |
You Smell Like an Mmo Player
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| 37 |
It's Not Caps Lock, It's Kvlt Lock, Dipshit!!!
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| 38 |
I Was Born in the Wrong Time, I Want to Lead a Crusade
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| 39 |
Leading a Medieval Campain to 711 for Mountain Dew
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| 40 |
Beating Up Nerds Outside of a Kamelot Concert
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| 41 |
Dungeon Synth, Trve Incel Music
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| 42 |
Graveland's Instagram Sharing Star Wars Memes
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| 43 |
Rob Darken Looks Like My Grandma
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| 44 |
Getting Lyrical Themes From Runescape
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| 45 |
Ildjarn Is a School Teacher
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| 46 |
Mortiis Looks Like a Digimon
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| 47 |
Cave Dwelling Dungeon Synth Fan
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| 48 |
The Trees Tell Me Many Things, Like Where to Score Pcp
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| 49 |
This Rock in the Forest Looks Like a Member of a Boston Punk Band
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| 50 |
Chainmail Protects Me From Blades, but Not Your Insults
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| 51 |
Bringing a Sword to a Punk Show to Scare Poseurs
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| 52 |
Dear Knight I Commend Thine Skullet
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| 53 |
Eating From Yee Olde Pizza Carte
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| 54 |
Forgotten Forest Path Leading to a Meth Lab
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| 55 |
Spell Book Containing a Couple of Spells
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| 56 |
Satan Is M'Lord
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| 57 |
Hanging Out With My Fellow Incels at the Iced Earth Concert
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| 58 |
Christopher Lee's Power Metal Band
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| 59 |
Drunkenly Slogging Around Demanding People Drink Your Potion
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| 60 |
My Dear, Sweet, Combat Alchemist
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| 61 |
The Power of the Full Moon Charging My Boner
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| 62 |
My Huge, Heathen, Maypole
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| 63 |
I Am a Wizard and My Magic Is Meth
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| 64 |
I Work at Medieval Times to Get Drunk on Mead
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| 65 |
Peasants Who Think Burzum Is Good
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| 66 |
Nobles That Know Ildjarn Is Truth
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| 67 |
Going From Punk to Pissing Cave Dweller
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| 68 |
True Crime Songs Are Fucking Stupid
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| 69 |
Faust From Emperor Is Free to Kill Again
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| 70 |
That Guy From Anal Cunt Neither Feared or Respected That Escalator
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| 71 |
Intro (Into the Pantheon of Friendship)
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| 72 |
My Friend Nick Is the Textbook Definition Gentile Giant and Is a Very Good Boy
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| 73 |
Joseph Is a Very Patient Person Who Writes Very Good Music
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| 74 |
My Friend Ryan, Beat Me for an Art Scholarship, Because He’s a Better Artist Than Me
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| 75 |
My Friend Libby, the Motorcycle Mom to All the Young Punks
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| 76 |
Danny From Austin Who Told Me I’m His P. White to His Billy Quizboy
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| 77 |
Danni Who Does Really Good Tattoos, Like the Mace on My Arm
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| 78 |
My Friend Life, Who Likes War Metal and Is Going to Beauty School
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| 79 |
My Friend Blake Who Once Demanded I Stop in a Town Called Cumming
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| 80 |
My Friend Wad Who Once Helped Me Make Knifechucks
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| 81 |
Texas Mike, Who Doesn’t Live in Texas, but Loudly Tells Me He Loves Me
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| 82 |
I Have a Friend Named Liam Who Makes Black Metal and People Call Him Piss
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| 83 |
My Friend Erica Who Makes Really Cool Art and Screams a Lot
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| 84 |
My Friend Alican Who Is the Smartest Idiot I Know
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| 85 |
My Friend Emma, Who Is Going to Make a Pornogrind Band About Killing Incels
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| 86 |
My Friend Lauren, a Smolbean Who Shreds the Bass
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| 87 |
My Friend Hodge, Who Plays Drums Very Good and Very Calmly
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| 88 |
Reese, or Ross, Who Plays Scape and Fronts a Death Metal Band
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| 89 |
My Friend Donovan Is a Gear Encyclopedia and a Very Good Boy
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| 90 |
My Friend Kimberly, Noisecore Queen
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| 91 |
Dunny, the Cave Dwelling Dungeon Synth Man Who Is Very Handsome
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| 92 |
My Friend Joose Who Is Really Funny
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| 93 |
Slade, a Very, Very Nice Boy Who Plays Powerviolence
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| 94 |
Todd, Another, Very, Very Nice Boy Who Plays Powerviolence
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| 95 |
Allin Who Left America to Study Something They Really Enjoy Writes Really Cool Music
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| 96 |
My Friend Derik Is a Hobbit and a Good Boy
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| 97 |
My Friend Larry, a Part Time Weeb, Full Time Small Business Owner
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| 98 |
My Friend Gus Who Is Way Tougher Than I Will Ever Be
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| 99 |
My Friend Hannah Costillo Who Takes Pictures Really Good
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| 100 |
My Friends Ian, Olivia, Jordan and Gabe Are All Very Nice and Have a Great Band Named Warm Bodies
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| 101 |
My Friend Billy Who Is My Twin and Has a Really Good Band Named Bib
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| 102 |
Rocha, Who Makes Scary Music but Has a Heart of Gold
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| 103 |
Uncle Rob, Who Is an Absolute Treasure
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| 104 |
I Have a Friend Named Taylor Vinson Who Is Really Funny, but Ate at a Texas in n Out
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| 105 |
My Friend Caroline Is the Reason I’m in This Stupid Shit and Alive
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| 106 |
Jake Garlick, He Plays Nasty Guitar Really Good and He Can Skate
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| 107 |
Simon Who Watches Very Well Made Movies and Plays Drums Very Well
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| 108 |
My Friend Erica Salazar Who I Miss but I’m Hoping Is Doing Well in Seattle
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| 109 |
My Friend Savannah Has a Cool Job Working for People Who Book Cool Shows
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| 110 |
My Friend Jackson “burnout” Boyd and I Once Went on a Goregrind Date
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| 111 |
Andy, Sometimes Billy, Is a Hurricane and a Good Boy
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| 112 |
My Friend Parker Puts Themselves Down a Lot Despite How Talented They Are
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| 113 |
My Friend Carroll, the Lone Cowpunk and a Good Fishing Guide
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| 114 |
My Friend Sam Claims She’s Very Jarring but Is a Very Nice Person
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| 115 |
Outro (The Gates of Friendship)
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| 116 |
Thieves of Sunshine (Lethal Enforcers of the Night)
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| 117 |
Suicide Involving a Noose Made of Piano Wire, Gorilla Gluing My Hands to Head and Yelling How Fucking Mad I Am
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| 118 |
Fucking Weeb Scum Who Blast Nsbm Nightcore Covers While Spanking It to Hentai
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| 119 |
How Do You Like My Carcass Rip-Off Art for My Gorenoise EP?
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| 120 |
Andre Chicatilo Was a Sick Fuck Who Ate His Victim’s Genitals
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| 121 |
Alferd Packer Is Having a Schpadoinkle Day in Hell for Eating 5 of His Companions in the Mountains
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| 122 |
I Sure Do Love Roadside Barbeque in Texas, Especially When Its Made Out of People
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| 123 |
Trying to Make Zombie Sex Slaves by Drilling Into Their Brains
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| 124 |
Cannibal Corpse Subliminally Convinced Me to Eat My Friend’s Brain, It Wasn’t as Good as They Said It Would
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| 125 |
William, I Have but One Setting and It Is Go
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| 126 |
I’m Going to Dig Up John Lennon’s Abuser Corpse and Show It the Abuse It Deserves
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| 127 |
Bring John Lennon Back to Life So I Can Kill Him Again
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| 128 |
What Rich People Google: How Many Pounds of Truffle Can I Fit Into My Ass
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| 129 |
Yesterday When I Was in the Shower, I Cupped My Hands, and Peed Into Them. I Sat There Holding 8 Ounces of My Own Pee
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| 130 |
I Looked at It, Felt Its Warmth, and Then Unclasped My Hands as I Watch the Golden Liquid Flow Down the Drain
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| 131 |
I Thought What If... What If I Would Have Drank That Pee?
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| 132 |
Gold Is the Colour of Gold but Also "Pee Pee"
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| 133 |
Six Dudes Hanging Around a Car With the Hood Up... Ain’t Nothin’ Better
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| 134 |
Ah... A Nice Glass of Piss
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| 135 |
Aw, Pikachu Shat on the Carpet Again!
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| 136 |
Can't Wait for the Future and Mail Order Lsd
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| 137 |
Need to Make Some Quick $$$... If You Are Interested in Purchasing an Old Wall in China Hmu
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| 138 |
Youtube Channel That Only Uploads Off-Brand Battery Reviews
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| 139 |
Sorry Tim Heidecker but It's Time for the Real King of Comedy to Take Back the Throne... Jeff Foxworthy!!!!
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| 140 |
Tim Heidecker Vs Me, Trapped in a Restaurants Kitchen While a Grease Fire Burns Out of Control
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| 141 |
Tim Heidecker: Your Days Are Numbered, My Man!
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| 142 |
3 Hour Ted Talk Hosted by Yours Truly Where I Just Make Mouth Noises
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| 143 |
Drawing Dicks in the Ups Signature Field
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| 144 |
I Think Jethro Tull Would Be Interesting Opponents in a Fight
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| 145 |
Petition: Replace the Faces of Those Guys on Mt Rushmore With the Freebird Lyrics
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| 146 |
I Smoked the Government Weed and I Can’t Sleep, I Can’t Stop Thinking About Mars!
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| 147 |
100 Likes and I Will Get a Crucified Skinhead Tattoo
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| 148 |
A Video Game Where You Play as Steve Buscemi
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| 149 |
Taco Bell Sponsorship
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| 150 |
Larry David Sex Tape
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| 151 |
Crucified Skinhead but It's Gumby
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| 152 |
Mark Zuckerberg Has a Controlling Share in Youth Attack Records
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| 153 |
Who Up I Got a Box of Dr Pepper
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| 154 |
Had a Dream I Met an Nfl Player and I Begged Him to Kill Me
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| 155 |
I Miss Texas and I Miss Sweet Tea
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| 156 |
Adam Sandler but With a British Accent
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| 157 |
Spiderman’s Balls
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| 158 |
Cowboy God Has Made a Decision... Pineapple Must Remain on Pizza
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| 159 |
Take It Easy by the Eagles
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| 160 |
Repent You Sinners and Become Cowboy
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| 161 |
God Is Returning in Half of an Hour... Cowboy God
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| 162 |
I'd Like to Have a Cage Match With Alton Brown
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| 163 |
Double Click Here to See Magic
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| 164 |
Just Walked Up to Cale Weir in Public, He Was High and Listening to Tiger Army
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| 165 |
Ask Me About Burst Pipes
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| 166 |
Mass Sterilization Caused by Poopoo and Peepee
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| 167 |
My Idea of Heaven Would Be Listening to Country and Western Music With My Gpa Forevr
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| 168 |
Subway Sandwiches Buffet
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| 169 |
A Pizza Place Run by Skinheads
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| 170 |
I’m Gonna Kick Your Ass (I’m Lifting Weights as I Post This)
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| 171 |
Martial Artists Breaking Planks but the Planks Are Replaced With Casio Keyboards
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| 172 |
A Cap With a Hole for People to Show Off Their Bald Spots
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| 173 |
All Bald People Are Skinheads
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| 174 |
I Wonder What Pisspiggranddad Is Doing Right Now
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| 175 |
A Vegetable Called Jetpack
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| 176 |
Has Anyone Made Pillows That Look Like Butts Yet
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| 177 |
Two Nude Musclebound Men Chasing Each Other Around a Junkyard Shooting Each Other With Dollar Store Water Guns
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| 178 |
I Need to Clone Myself Five Times So I Can Fulfil My Dream of Owning and Operating a Chain of 6 24/7 Gas Stations
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| 179 |
Pumping Iron to the Sopranos Theme Song
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| 180 |
I Am Hungover and I Am Fucking Manic
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| 181 |
Last Night I Got Banned From Metro (The Supermarket) For Opening and Eating Three Cans of Cold Staggs Chili in the Store
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| 182 |
If I Shit My Pants Would My Boss Let Me Go Home Early
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| 183 |
Last Night God Came to Me in the Form of Liam and He Said “wanan Maybe Hanmg Out”
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| 184 |
Tom Cruise Is the Shadow President and a Member of the Deep State
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| 185 |
Welcome to My Shop Where I Sell Fresh Sweet Corn and New Video Game Releases
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| 186 |
“cro Mags Full Album” Tatted Across My Stomach a La “thug Life”
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| 187 |
Nike Sneakers in Camo Making Me Really Horny
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| 188 |
Woke Up With the Fresh Smell of a Hoagie Near by and a Morning Has Never Been So Complete for Me
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| 189 |
I Just Wanna Noodle Catfish and Shit in an Outhouse
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| 190 |
Gonna Open Up an Eyebrow Place Called “the Big Lebrowski”
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| 191 |
Who Else Is Soaked and Sitting in a Leather Chair at Work
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| 192 |
9/11 Truther in the Streets, Infowarrior in the Sheets
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| 193 |
Bust Three Nuts Today: Two for the Towers, One for the Pentagon
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| 194 |
This Divine Blade Gifted to Me From the Goddess, Liliana, Will Protect My Virginity at All Costs
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| 195 |
That Guy From Anal Cunt Neither Feared or Respected That Escalator
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| 196 |
The Harsh Stench of Mountain Dew on the Incel’s Breath
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| 197 |
I Can't Wait for Jerkbooth to Make Fun of Me Again
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| 198 |
Billy From Omaha Is a Very Good Boy
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| 199 |
Waylen Jennings Is Better Than Any of Your Dumb Ass N.Y.H.C. Clone Bands
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| 200 |
I Had to Find a Virgin to Sacrifice, So at the Stroke of Midnight I Raided the Local Gamestop
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| 201 |
I Don’t Know If This Morning’s Taco Bell Diarrhea Sounded More Like Carcass or Impetigo Vocals
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| 202 |
Spay or Neuter Your Retro-Thrasher Today
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| 203 |
Dream Theater Concert, aka Incel Pride 2018
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| 204 |
Twister Is the Best Movie Ever Written, If You Disagree You’re Fucking Stupid
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| 205 |
Brogaze Played by the Chillest of Brogazers
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| 206 |
That Time I Convinced Some Bros That A.C.A.B. Means a Chill Ass Bro
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| 207 |
Claiming Your Identity Is Asexual When You’re Just an Incel
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| 208 |
Remember When You Said Punk Would Be Great Again Under Trump? You Lied to Me.
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| 209 |
The Deep and Eldritch Sorcery That Will Befall You If You Dare Call Me Fag Again
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| 210 |
Only the Trvest of Satanists Set Up Their Dungeons in Their Mom’s Garage
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| 211 |
I’m Just an Ugly Homo (Who Plays in a Noisecore Band)
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| 212 |
Glen Benton Pussied Out of Killing Himself
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| 213 |
I’d Rather Listen to Dream Theater Than Another Band That Sounds Like Fucking Gag
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| 214 |
Using Arcane Necromancy to Revive Cliff Burton to Finally Solve the Lars Problem
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| 215 |
The Hardest Part of Being a Dungeon Synth Fan Was Telling My Parents That I’m a Gay Goblin
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| 216 |
Antichrist Kramer Is Going to Fight Neckbeard Deathcamp
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| 217 |
I Showed You My Youth Attack Collection, Please Respond
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| 218 |
My Friend Bald Larry Plays D & D, Listens to Power Metal and Still Goes on More Dates Than Me
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| 219 |
My First Band, Fxcxpx, Was an Abomination Before God and a Failure
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| 220 |
The Beautiful, Cold Winter Night That Froze My Balls Off and Made Me a Eunuch
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| 221 |
Magic the Gathering of the Juggalos
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| 222 |
Satan Is M’Lord Ii: Daddy Krampus
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| 223 |
I Liked Dave Mustaine Better When He Was on Heroin
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| 224 |
I Will Die Upon the True Altars of Madness, Cici’s Pizza, as My Body Dissolves From the Grease
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| 225 |
Chanting “make Him Cum” During the Witching Hour Only Summoned a Cop to Issue Us a Noise Complaint
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| 226 |
Long Sleeved, Four Sided Dream Theater Awake Shirt to Attract All the Prog Babes
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| 227 |
Razorbumps Is Playing Cochella; Thats the Joke
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| 228 |
I'm Glad Denton Free Jazz Musicicans Fucking Hate Me Now
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| 229 |
If I Wanted to Watch Some Dude Jerk It for 20 Minutes I'd Use Chatroulette Instead of Going to the Skronk Show
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| 230 |
I'm Glad Jesus Chris & The Beatles Broke Up
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| 231 |
Cleric Got Sponsored by Hair Care Products
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| 232 |
Oh God Fucking Dammit Not Another Band With Parker Lawson in It
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| 233 |
Flat Earth Guy Is the True Hero of North Texas
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| 234 |
Creeping Death Will Never Be a Real Death Metal Band Until They Cover Good Sepultura
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| 235 |
Burning an Anal Cunt Tape Upon the Altar of Homosexuality as an Offering to the Lords of Noisecore
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| 236 |
Infernal Legions of Mordor Is Cancelled!!!
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| 237 |
[untitled]
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